My Sad Realization

Today I was sitting at home watching Friends and listening to my sisters bitch about stuff and I realized something really sad. It was the episode with Pheobe's boyfriend the creepy shrink. When he told chandler that his use of sarcasm was textbook and why I heard my Sisters bitching. She said that she wanted my dad to put her to bed tonight. She is ten years old and was whining about this. That's when it hit me. Why my sister is so clingy. Why I'm so awkward around girls. Why I'm a pessimist. Why I only have 3 real friends. Why I like being alone. My parents divorce. Now I know that 75% (or something like that) of marriages divorce now a days but there is something different about mine. When my parents split i was in grade 3. I was 9 years old. I had no one. Sure I had my friends but they're not the same. My sisters had each other and they were to young to go through what I went through. At that stage in life, all is supposed to be good. Kids shouldn't know about all the tragedies and horrors of the world. They should be fine for another couple of years. With me, I was alone a lot. I had enormous amounts of time where I developed a hate for many people and many things. At nine years old I realized that the world is a horrible place. I became cynical, pessimistic and distant. I lost a year or so of my life. When I was supposed to be learning how to act around girls, how to act around adults, how I should carry myself, I was having deep theological thought about how bad the world was. Because of that realization at such a young age I became depressed and anti-social.

Shrinks tell you that the reason its hard for the kid in that age group to go through their parents separation is because they blame themselves. It's not true. It's because they are at a critical stage in their development where they go through events that will shape them into who they are going to be. If they miss out on that stage in life and skip onto the rebellious teenager cycle straight away, they will be so socially awkward that they become depressed. Eventually they'll get to where I'm at. being a critical, cynical, pessimistic, over analyzing, son of a bitch who wants nothing more than to fit in but is never given the chance because everyone around him has already chose a group of friends with little or no room to let him in.